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  • Sarah Northwood (c)

The secret diary of Katie Hawcroft (entry 10)


The secret diary of Katie Hawcroft- Entry 10

Dearest friend,

How quickly the pendulum can swing from joy to sadness in my life. One minute I’m telling you of miracles, the small slices of happiness I eat up eagerly and the next I’m telling you of the worst possible thing that can happen. I fear all the goodness in life has abandoned me. There is nothing but black, ahead. I am so sorry my secret keeper, it’s not my choice to make life so dank and depressing I promise you. You need to understand though, it’s not the first time it’s happened and I doubt it will be the last. Without hope for the future, the darkness swallows you up quicker than a blink. In this situation, very soon you would sound exactly like me.

Mum, invited her friend Martin to come over, and he brought with him some ‘treats’ for her. I can’t understand why she doesn’t see through him. It’s like she’s blind to the sideways looks he gives me. She giggles playfully as he slaps my bum and tell me to go to my room, so he and Mum can have some ‘alone’ time. What’s worse is I thought I’d got away with it, that I was safe. I’d run to my room and clicked my lock, and moved my washing basket. I’d breathed, and thought I’d escaped. Like always Minnie seemed to know different. My clock on the wall, taunting me with memories stuck in time, as I was stuck in my room.

I read my book, one on loan for a school assignment, occasionally glancing up at her ears. I too listened. Concentrating on anything was impossible with the television blaring and the sounds of drunken laughter. I looked out of the window and paced the room wishing that Erica was here to help me steal away the hours. The house had at last gone quiet and I took to my bed in the hopes of putting the night behind me. That’s when the urge hit me. Have you ever lay in the still hours of the morning trying desperately not to think about needing the toilet? If you haven’t let me describe it to you, it’s like the only sounds you can hear are of your own body screaming out its need to you at full volume. Perhaps it’s even worse than the music and drunken talk of your Mum enjoying her…treats.

Eventually I could ignore it no longer. I slide the basket aside and as a quietly as I could, I unlocked my door. The hallway was dark and silent. It was only a few strides to the bathroom. The need urged me to bravery. Relief consumed me as I relieved myself, wondering how something as simple as a bodily function could hold so much power over a person. I guess that was my mistake, a combination of complacency and distraction. When I opened the door and saw his face, I knew immediately of the danger I was in. His face flushed red, his eyes penetrating my clothes as if they were invisible, everything about him, seemed off. His lips pulled up to reveal an unnerving smirk as he grabbed my hand and said, “why don’t you show me your bedroom Katie?”

I assumed Mum was passed out in her bedroom, but wherever she was she wouldn’t save me. There was no one to come to my rescue. Minnie glared at me from the wall, as if she had always known this was coming and in that moment, I hated her.


#thesecretdiaryofkatiehawcroft #indieauthor #shesnotgone #domesticviolence

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